you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize