Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
