my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize