All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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