I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
