it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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