He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize