he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
