Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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