hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
