Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
