He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize