She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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