I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
