i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
