Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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