if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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