I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
