Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
