winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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