His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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