My room smells like vodka and shame
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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