You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
