Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
