I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There r osticjed everywhere
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
