I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
