God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
