I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think people are normalizing furries
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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