I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
