So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
