I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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