I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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