I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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