I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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