What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
