I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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