My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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