Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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