Plan B is the new Plan A
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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