How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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