yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
