How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize