I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
