Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
