He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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