I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
