I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
