i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you never un-have a 4some
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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