There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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