just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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