do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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