We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
