It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
