Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
