i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
