don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
