Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
