just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
