It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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