Duck Duck Cougar?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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