She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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