dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize