The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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