just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
