I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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