it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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