I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
